I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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