went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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