having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
