Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
