Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
