Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everyone says I win the strip club
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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