dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
