your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
