Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
