my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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