my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
