you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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