This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
