I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
