I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize