i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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