dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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