my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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