you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
