i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
