my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to stop coming to work sober
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
