My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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