the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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