dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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