dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
