I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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