If i come over, it means nothing
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
