I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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