dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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