she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
