i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
