no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
