shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize