You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
