yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
