I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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