If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
