i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it because I queefed?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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