Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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