Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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