Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
