i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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