Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
