He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
