Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize