im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
