This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
