just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
