Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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