We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
