She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
