don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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