brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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