I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
