does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
