She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
