There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize