I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
