We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
