I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
