I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
