At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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