Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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