i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
