Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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