we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
