What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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