They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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