Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
