He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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