i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize