I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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