RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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