I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like iHOP with fire
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm too high and old for this...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
