White coat. Heels.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Even my vagina gasped.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You pole danced in your parka.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
