Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
