You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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