just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
