also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
