I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
