you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
