Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
