Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
