absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
