I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
