I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You are the jesus of drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
