it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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