I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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