they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
