My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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