He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
